Some time ago, a teacher told me that I would not get the things that I want until I first get the spiritual growth that I need. A need is actually more compelling than a want, she told me. As it states that which our soul cannot live without, versus that which it just desires. Its always hard to hear more effort is required before arriving at the destination. But I’ve harbored these words in my heart and looked for every way to fulfill them. And this trip has been my latest and grandest devotion to this. I was ready for all the lessons.

Its just that I naively thought growth would come in like pleasant yoga classes, contemplative walks on the beach, a welcome feeling in each place I arrived. While it has sometimes taken this easeful embodiment, other times its arrived as choaos, doubt, or fear. This week my carefully arranged, scheduled and budgeted for housing fell through for the second time in dramatic fashion. Adding more weight to a real heaviness I’ve placed upon myself to be perfect all of the time and to never make “mistakes” like this. I’ve felt afraid in these moments that I was at risk of not learning the lessons at all. Like I could just roll back into Wyoming later this month a completely unchanged person, not one step closer to anything I was meant to learn.

But one night I woke at some indiscernible time from a deep sleep and wrote: “No longer oscillating between good or bad, right or wrong. Instead rooting down into the simple peace that the moment is bringing you exactly that which you need.”

What I need, what I manifested. Now coming true all around me. Even if it perhaps looks and feels different than I expected it would. Even if its much, much harder. Maybe “mistakes” are actually just glorious lessons in disguise, arriving in proof of my power of intention and offering a real light towards imagining my wants are not far behind, either.

And if this process of lessons and needs has been at all tiresome, the universe has also granted me big, immediate, spectacular miracles. Dreamstate Hannah’s late night wisdom actually arrived when I was safely nestled in a beautiful beach home with my long time bff Kate and her family. As my housing collapsed in San Diego, they were just a few miles down the road, on vacation and with a spare bedroom where I could regroup for a few nights.  I can’t even quite grasp the fullness of this, except to say that it made me feel like there are always people right here, right now who want to offer us help and love. And if I can accept that, then we are all closer to connection and farther from fear. And more present to the universe’s eternal devotion to directing us towards the path we’re meant to be on, the answers we’re meant to be given.

We are never left dried up with no where to go. Its like the song says– if you try sometime, you just might find–

Moment of Gratitude: You get what you need.