I’ve just been in my second chapter of yoga teacher training and gleaning this sense of how much I yearn to “finish” things in my life. Like finishing or learning the lesson would somehow bring conclusion to this era of transformation I’ve been in. Transformation itself as something to be “finished”. 

Sure it makes for a great Instagram feed, but it hasn’t actually been easy forging this new life. I’ve described these 2.5 years in Wyoming as a period of rapid transformation. But the more I pursue and see myself honestly in change, the more I gain a knowingness of how much farther I’ve yet to go.

This was an encompassing feeling in the yoga training. I struggled with many moments of fear that I might never be a real yogi. Or moments of judgment that a real yogi wouldn’t still harbor all the anxieties that I do. And then in summation fear that I’m not evolving fast enough.

Yes, there will always be more to go. Yes, the path of change is a humbling one, and bears confusion – for in pursuing being one thing you realize you must face no longer being another. And there will always be inner dichotomies. There was nothing quite like being at yoga training from 8-5 and then coming home and designing. I’m proud to be called to spiritual work while still striving for balance with my business. And it’s not that I don’t believe a person can be two truths at once. I heard this perfect Albert Einstein quote once that was something like “the polarities are what keep life vital”.

It’s maybe just that the core needs to be congruent in all our pursuits. For me I think this means doing everything not from a place of let’s get it done, but instead from a place of wholeheartedness and willingness to transform in every moment. Even if I have to do it over and over again, even if it takes forever.

Moment of Gratitude: Because it’s not about the ending, it’s about the journey. And the grace we can ask for, as taught by my favorite mantra, is that “we not miss the point”.